Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sound of Porn DVD Alarms Neighbors

Reader's Digest (Canadian edition)
March 2008, p. 61.

SOUND OFF

As a brand new empty-nester, I decided to give my son's room a thorough cleaning. Among the dust bunnies, socks and empty water bottles under his bed, I found an X-rated DVD and decided to check it out. I popped it in the DVD player in the family room and turned on the surround sound. But, although the video was playing, there was no audio. I turned up the volume, but still nothing. While the movie played, I checked every connection to the room's speakers, DVD player, receiver and TV. Nothing seemed to be disconnected.

The phone rang, and I chatted with a friend for 15 minutes or so. She ended our phone call saying, "Well, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing."

"Actually," I replied, "I was trying to watch a movie, but I can't get any sound from the speakers."

The moment I said those words, my mind flashed to the outdoor speakers my husband had recently installed on our patio. I raced to the back of the house and, as I opened the back door, heard the elusive audio blasting from the patio speakers. To my horror, it was so loud and clear that the "movie stars" could just as easily have been on my patio table, speaking into a microphone hanging from my umbrella.

I ran back into the house and shut down the system. As I did so, my phone rang. It was my neighbour calling me from her work. She said her husband had called her from their home and asked her to check on me, as he and another neighbour couldn't believe what they were hearing. Later that evening, they joked the volume was so loud that you could barely hear the ambulance that came to resuscitate the older fellow next door. -- J. B., Windsor