Monday, May 30, 2011

Turkey Neck

[Stitches: The Journal of Medical Humour (formerly Punch Digest for Canadian Doctors) was a Toronto publication which ran from 1990 to 2007.]

John Cocker, compiler, Stitches: Off-the-Wall Tales from the Doctor's Office, Hospital, and Operating Room (Toronto: Stoddart, 1993), pp. 23-4.

He Swears This Is True!

During a quiet moment on call one Christmas, a colleague related an experience that had occurred exactly a year earlier. A young lady had presented herself at the ER with a gash on her forehead and a rather sheepish grin on her face. On the way to the examining room the nurse had determined that the patient had struck her head on the coffee table, and then had pressed for details.

"It's all rather embarrassing, really," the patient said. "My husband John and I had come to spend Christmas with his sister Cathy here in Inverness, Nova Scotia. He was all tired out, so he went to take a nap on the couch while we were getting supper ready. Anyway, we ran out of poultry seasoning, so I went out to get some more.

"Now, you see, Cathy's full of the devil, right? She took the neck of the turkey and snuck down to the living room, pulled the zipper of John's pants open, and stuck the turkey neck there proud as a flagpole.

"The last thing I remember before coming to was walking through the door, seeing Johnnie sound asleep, and the cat gnawing away at that piece of turkey!"

Honest to God, this is true!

-- Dr. John Levine [director of palliative car in Inverness, Nova Scotia]