[The Tonight
Show with Jimmy Fallon, NBC-TV, 20 November 2019. My rough transcription of
the part of Dolly Parton’s interview where the buxom country singer relates a
story based on the “Checkout
Scam” legend.]
Dolly Parton: I actually started singing on local
radio and television before we even owned a TV. But from the time I was ten ‘till
I was, like, thirteen, you know, fourteen, I’d been doing that. So I was like a
little local celebrity there. Yeah.
Jimmy Fallon: Really. What would you do? What was it
like being ---
Parton: Well, it was fun, ‘cause everybody knew me. We
were still poor, but, you know, being on TV, people just think you’re rich. They
paid me, like, about 15 dollars, 12 or 15 dollars a week. And so I would always
take my mom and my sisters up to Gatlinburg, Tennessee -- that’s a wonderful
old town -- and I’d take them up to the pancake house to eat, and so…. Can I tell
you a story, something fun that happened about that?
Fallon: Sure.
Parton: ‘Cause
once when I took them up there, we were in the restaurant, and so we were
having our meal and this old man came over to our table. And he sat down and he
was just talking to us and we were all laughing. We didn’t know him. And we just,
you know, we were all just kinda…. And then so finally he left and we finished.
So I went up to pay the bill and the man said, “Well your grandpa left his bill
here, too.” I said, “My grandpa?” [Audience
laughter] So that old man had come over and kind of scammed us! I said that
was not my grandpa -- but I paid it, of course. So when we left I walked down
the street and he was standing there at the light. And we, you know, walked to
the corner. And so I went over to him. I said, “Hey, I would’ve been happy, you
know, to have paid your bill, you know, but,” I said, “don’t you tell them you’re
my grandpa.” And he took his walking stick and he started just beating me
across the chest [Audience gasps]. I
mean just as hard as he could --- [Performs
hitting action] wham wham wham wham -- and it hurt!
Fallon: Oh my gosh!
Parton: I know.
Fallon: Really? Then what happened?
Parton: What do you mean what happened? [Parton stands up, puts her hands on her
hips, and swivels her torso.] These two big lumps came up and they never
did go down.
Extended laughter by the
audience, Parton, and Fallon.
Parton: Got ya!...You fell for that!
Fallon [eventually
composing himself]: Is that a true story?
Parton: Jimmy. You dumbass, you don’t analyze a joke!
Where’s my walking stick? [Mimes hitting
Fallon with a stick.]
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