Times Colonist [Victoria, BC], 14 March 2021
Jack Knox: Dog-dung map poses puzzle: Why pick up after a pooch, then abandon the bag?
I know a guy who, having just moved into a new house, was dismayed to see a big dog cross the street from a neighbour’s yard, squat, and leave a land mine on his lawn.
Although this happened regularly, my guy, not wanting to get off on the wrong foot with his new neighbour, just bit his tongue.
But then one day, Fido performed his routine in full view of the cross-the-road resident, who just shrugged. Indignant, my guy grabbed a shovel and started firing the offending matter across the street in the general direction of the neighbour.
“What are you doing?” the latter demanded.
“I’m tired,” my guy declared, “of your dog dumping on my lawn every day and you doing nothing about it!”
The neighbour replied: “It’s not my dog.”
True story.
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https://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/entertainment_life/smiley_anders/article_74182f82-81fd-11eb-bd48-df1696262aee.html
The Advocate [Baton Rouge, LA], 12 March 2021
Smiley: Alert bride foils a wedding plot
BY SMILEY ANDERS
Dear Smiley: Two of my old buddies told this about themselves. We'll call them Friend A and Friend B:
They had spent most of the day at a camp, fishing and drinking beer. Entering Opelousas, Friend A, the driver, told his companion he was in no shape to drive. Friend B answered that he was in pretty bad shape himself, and suggested they pull up near the sidewalk and rest a while.
One of the local policemen, making his rounds, tapped on the glass of the car. He knew them and they knew him.
"Boys," he began, "Y'all got a problem. Y'all got a flat tire."
Both of them sprang from the car, went around to the trunk, took out the jack and the spare. In a matter of minutes, the new tire was in place and the jack and the other tire was back in the trunk.
They thanked the officer and began to drive off. Then they heard it: "Thunk, thunk, thunk." The poor guys had replaced the wrong tire.
They looked back at the policeman. He was laughing so hard he had his hands on his knees.
THOMAS MURREL
Church Point
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https://www.upi.com/Archives/1983/02/09/Painted-infant-reports-outrage-police-chief/4897413614800/
UPI, 9 February 1983
Painted infant reports outrage police chief
GRANTS, N.M. -- Reports that some people in the western New Mexico community of Grants may have been painting their infants gold and silver and passing them around to be sniffed at parties have provoked anger from officials.
'I think it's something that we all look at with our paternal instincts. But in this particular case, people are outraged about it,' Jerry Thurber, police chief of the town of 10,000 people, said Wednesday.
Thurber said that during recent drug raids his men got word 'on the street' of the practice of painting babies and passing them around to be sniffed to get high. […]
Weekly World News, 7 March 1989, p. 46.
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