Showing posts with label Mormons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mormons. Show all posts

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mormons Like Big Boobs



The Reader's Digest, January 2000, p. 120.

During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob."

The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs." -- Contributed by L.S.

[Reprinted in Pamela Chichinskas-Johnson & Marianne Wait, eds., Laughter, The Best Medicine (Montreal: The Reader's Digest Association (Canada) Ltd., 2006), p. 105; Laughter, The Best Medicine: Holidays (New York & Montreal: The Reader's Digest Association, Inc., 2012), p. 191.]

D.N. Giles & C. L. Beck, Mormon Mishaps and Mischief: Hilarious Stories for Saints (Springville, Utah: CFI, 2009), p. xv.

Disclaimer

The authors of this book, as well as the contributors, have given you these stories as they remember them happening at the time. The humorous events described are real, although artistic license was allowed in coloring dialogue or minor details. [...]

Giles & Beck, Mormon Mishaps, p. 6.

Oops

By C. L. Beck

When touched by the Spirit, people often find it difficult to contain their emotions as they bear witness of the truthfulness of the gospel. One fast meeting, a sister stood to bear her testimony. Holding a Kleenex to damp eyes and struggling with her feelings, she said, "I don't do this very often because I'm such a big boob."

After she sat down, a member of the bishopric stepped to the pulpit. Offering what he thought was consolation, he said, "That's okay; we like big boobs."

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Brigham Young Statue at BYU Originally Bearded



http://universe.byu.edu/beta/2013/04/01/myth-busters-even-statues-have-to-shave-at-byu/

The Digital Universe [Brigham Young University]
1 April 2013


By Charles Beacham

Not even Brother Brigham’s whiskers are safe from BYU’s notorious beard ban.

Legend has it, the statue of Brigham Young located just south of the ASB once had a beard, but when administrators decided that facial hair was a faux pas, the statue was decapitated and given a new, beardless head. [...]

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Brigham Young University Stores Food

http://universe.byu.edu/node/15630

Universe [Brigham Young University, Utah]
27 April 2011

BYU debunks food storage myths

By Hunter Schwarz

College living conditions can make it difficult for BYU students to follow the counsel of leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to maintain food storage, and thanks to a persistent rumor, many have assumed the University could provide for them in the event of an emergency.

[...] Rumors about BYU’s alleged food storage range from a belief there is enough for more than 30,000 students to last three days, to a notion there is food stocked to provide for the surrounding community as well. [...]

Monday, September 27, 2010

Some Mormon Church Legends

http://www.mormontimes.com/article/17395/Beth-Palmer-Oh-the-stories-of-funny-things-that-happen-in-church
Mormon Times [Salt Lake City, UT]
27 September 2010
Beth Palmer: Oh, the stories of funny things that happen in church

[Various Mormon accounts of funny incidents that occurred in church.]

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Mormon Rumors DVD

http://www.standard.net/live/features/147378/

Standard-Examiner [Ogden, UT]
2 November 2008

Mormon Myth-ellaneous

By Becky Wright
Standard-Examiner staff

[...] The new DVD "Mormon Myth-ellaneous: Amazing True Mormon Stories -- And Some That Should Be" (Covenant Communications, Inc., $16.95) examines urban legends with a Mormon twist, including the ideas that "Star Wars" character Yoda was based on an LDS prophet, and that Elvis read the Book of Mormon. [...]

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Poisoning Mormon Missionaries

William A. Wilson, "Mormon Narratives: The Lore of Faith," Western Folklore, vol. 64, no. 4 (1995), p. 316.

[Informant:] This is a story about two South American missionaries -- I don't remember who told it to me. As the story goes, the two missionaries were in a place where the people didn't like them very well at all. And...[these people] decided that they'd get rid of 'em quick and had some kind of poison food that they fed them. I don't remember what it was, but I think it was some kind of poison meat. And the missionaries blessed it and ate it and didn't die from it. And all the people were very impressed, ya know, and told 'em what happened and said, "Truly, you must be men of God," ya know; and they got a lot of converts from it. They went to another town and decided that they would try the same thing. And so they said, "See now we can eat poison meat, and we won't die." And they ate it, and they died. And the moral that I got from it, from the person who told me, was that "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wilson, The Marrow of Human Experience, pp. 215, 217. From the essay, "On Being Human: The Folklore of Mormon Missionaries," which originally appeared in a booklet published by Utah State U.P. in 1981.

[Informant:] There were two elders who were tracting, and one woman invited them into her home and said she was looking for a true church. And she fed them. They made an appointment to come back and teach her some time later. As soon as they came back, and she saw who they were at the door, she invited them in and said, "I want to be baptized," without even talking to them. And they asked her why, and she said that she had read that the true servants of the Lord could eat poison things and they would not be harmed. And then she told them that what she had fed them last week had been poison.

[...]

In one instance that recalls the story in which missionaries were poisoned as a test of their power, two missionaries called on a Protestant minister.

[Informant:] He said, "Gentleman, I have here a glass of poison. If you will drink this poison and remain alive, I will join your church, not only myself but my entire congregation." And he said, "If you won't drink this poison, well, then I'll conclude that you are false ministers of the gospel, because surely your Lord wouldn't let you perish." And so this put the missionaries in a kind of a bind, so they went off in a corner and got their heads together, and they thought, "What on earth are we going to do?" So finally, after they decided, they went back over and approached the minister and said, "Tell you what -- we've got a plan." They said, "You drink the poison, and we'll raise you from the dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J. Michael Hunter, Mormon Myth-ellaneous (American Fork, Utah: Covenant Communications, Inc., 2008), p. 148.

[T]wo missionaries were invited in by a woman who accepted the first discussion. Since it was such a hot day, she gave the missionaries some lemonade. She then invited them back for a second visit. Before leaving, they admonished her to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it. When the missionaries returned for the second visit, the woman acted surprised and demanded to be baptized. Why? She had never expected to see the missionaries again: she had poisoned their lemonade.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eric A. Eliason, The J. Golden Kimball Stories (Urbana and Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 2007), p. 121.

Once when two missionaries were tracting, they came across a smart aleck who said, "Hey it says here in the Bible that true believers will drink poison and not die. Tell you what, I have got some poison here, if you drink it and don't die I'll get baptized in your church."

The missionaries thought for a second and then one said, "I've got a better idea. Why don't you drink the poison, then we'll raise you from the dead and baptize you if you are interested."

[Informant: Professor, male, Provo, Utah, 1995.]

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Mormon Folklore

6 October 2007

Folklore plays role for LDS
Professor says stories affirm values, beliefs

By Mike Wennergren

LOGAN -- William "Bert" Wilson tells a tale from the early days of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. [...]

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Mormon Missionaries Encounter a Naked Woman

Jan Harold Brunvand, "Modern Legends of Mormonism, or, Supernaturalism is Alive and Well in Salt Lake City." In Wayland Hand, ed., American Folk Legend: A Symposium (Berkeley & Los Angeles: University of California Press, 1971), pp. 197-8.

Another example was heard by a student at a Stake Conference a couple of years ago; it was told by a missionary just returned from Brazil. It is a form of story that crops up repeatedly in the archive, usually attributed to a missionary in a Catholic country and sometimes told to explain why missionaries are required to work and travel in pairs. Clearly, I think, we can recognize here one effect of cutting young men off from normal female companionship for two years at a time in a foreign country; where reality is lacking, fantasy enters:

My companion and I were walking through a town one day when we decided to knock on one door, and a beautiful nude woman appeared at the door. We got out of there as quick as possible, but this woman kept calling up my missionary companion to come over and see her. [In some versions she locks them in with her and pursues them around the apartment until they manage to escape.] He became very upset about it, and we decided to go back there and see if this woman was possessed by evil spirits. My companion and I commanded the evil spirits to leave her body. Her body became limp and she fell on the floor. She came back to consciousness, but she almost seemed to be an imbecile. So we took her to the police to find out her identity, and later it was discovered that she had escaped from a mental hospital and her family had been searching for her for two weeks. We told our mission president and he told us that many evil spirits took possession of the bodies of the mentally ill.