Barrister-bonking Juror

http://www.lawgazette.co.uk/news/obiter/the-colourful-life-of-flach/5038179.article

The Law Society Gazette [UK]

21 October 2013

The colourful life of Flach

By James Morton

I was sad to read of the death this month at the age of 91 of Robert Flach, who until he retired in 2011, must have been the longest-practising and oldest barrister.  […]

One Old Bailey day, he and Rees-Davies were defending together when Flach looked up at a female juror about to be sworn and said, ‘My God, Billy, what am I going to do? I’ve been to bed with her.’ Billy said: ‘Don’t worry. I’ll do it for you. So have I.’ Billy put it most tactfully, if not wholly flatteringly: ‘My Lord, my learned friend and I feel we have met this lady socially at some time. We can’t exactly recall the circumstances but perhaps it would be better if she stood down.’

Examining the Evidence

http://www.internationaltimes.it/archive/index.php?year=1970&volume=IT-Volume-1&issue=73&item=IT_1970-02-12_B-IT-Volume-1_Iss-73_004

International Times (London), February 12-25, 1970, p. 4

A CAUTIONARY TALE

SOME time ago in a London Magistrate's court, according to a barrister friend of IT, the following exchange took place between a police officer giving evidence on a drug charge and the magistrate:

MAGISTRATE: 'Have you the piece of cannabis found on the defendant?'

OFFICER: 'Yes, your honour'.

MAGISTRATE: 'Has an analyst verified that it is in fact cannabis?'

OFFICER: 'We haven't been able to get an analyst's opinion yet'.

MAGISTRATE: 'How then do you know that was cannabis?'

OFFICER: 'On smelling the substance I decided it was cannabis'.

MAGISTRATE: 'Well I think I am as good a judge as any to whether it is in fact cannabis, let me have a look at it'.

[Judge then proceeds to sniff substance suspiciously and finally licks the offending article just to make sure.]

MAGISTRATE: 'Very well, I am satisfied that it is in fact cannabis. Whereabouts did you find the cannabis?'

OFFICER: 'Up the defendant's rectum, your honour'.

It would not be totally inaccurate to report that something a little more pronounced that a 'slight titter in the courtroom' was evinced by the officer's final remarks